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Superwoman

You never wanted it to happen. You never planned it this way. To raise a child by yourself, let alone a boy You can teach a girl to be a woman by being an awesome one. How the hell do you teach a boy to be a man?   Then there are the other aspects of life. Dealing with the landlord, mechanic, electrian, and plumber in this ridiculously paternalistic society. You go to the doctor’s by yourself. Decisions (choice of school and where to live for example) are made faster but at the same time feel heavier because you are…

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Growth

I’ve always been an old soul. Considered myself pretty grown for years now. I thought I was done growing, but the recent years have brought me more growth than I was even aware existed. Maybe growth is loving someone thousands of miles away. But knowing you cannot be together. Recognizing that you are too old to uproot yourself and go after your love. Knowing that love does not always mean you will be together. Maybe growth is transcending religion and being open to the spirituality and faiths of others . Realizing that you are not right and they are not…

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Migraine

You wish people would stop reacting to the patch on your forehead and asking “what happened?” Because you would rather not talk and invite another searing flash of pain across your temple You will kill someone before you willingly move. Because with every movement it feels like the entire insides of your head – brain, floating matter, connective tissue and nerves all move to that side of the head. And back when you straighten again. And then throb strongly to protest.  x All you want is a dark quiet room. Because the migraine has made you super sensitive to light…

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It’s complicated

 … It’s complicated I’m complicated You might flip me off when you make an innocent remark Then when you expect to, not even get a reaction … I struggle to express the simplest things then cluelessly blurt out things with far reaching emotional consequences … Sometimes I feel the absolutely worst thing I could do is need you But I get upset if you ever act like you don’t need me, or that I shouldn’t need you … It’s complicated Coz how can I be loved without being vulnerable? I’m complicated because I want love, but I don’t want to want…

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of (not) hearing

image from clipfid.com It takes years for you to realize it. For the reality to hit you. After all, you’ve spent years denying it.  xxx I get irritated when people speak in such a low tone that I cannot hear. Why are you whispering? Then worse is when you ask them to repeat and they repeat the last 2 words of the sentence you didn’t hear. Those are the ones I heard! Also, don’t repeat in exactly the same volume or lower. Listen, that’s why did not hear it in the first place! And for the love of God, if…

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If anyone touches me, you kill them

“If anyone touches me, you kill them. OK?” “Really?” “Yes.” So I’m at the club with my friends from out of town. Its almost everyone’s last night in town. We are tired from the sustained partying but no one is willing not to party. So we go off in search of the liveliest, loudest place we can find. The first one qualified but there was no standing room, let alone hope for sitting. We make our way out of the throng of party animals and go next door to the other club. The woman security guard frisks me with her hands.…

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My future daughter

I don’t have you yet, But if you were here, I would tell you Coz no one told me  xxx They said don’t talk to boys And when we grew older they said if you get pregnant do not bring a child to my house. The Catholics said, no sex before marriage, no cohabiting no contraceptives get married in church The more liberal ones said if you are gonna do it, use protection.  xxx  No one ever told me How complicated it is No one said That sometimes you would like more than one person But that you are not…

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Whats the point?

If nothing lasts forever what’s the point? If nothing is real what’s the point? If I misjudged it every time then why bother? What are they all for, these imaginings, these lies, these illusions, But a waste of my time? ©2015 Mugs Gitau

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Ist like (My best)

   xxx Ist like the best most personal movie ever It’s like I wish it was recorded and I could watch it over and over again It’s like when our fantasies met and it resulted in magic Its like you were made for me and I for you Its like you’re the very best soul I ever met Its like I love you but I can’t be with you It’s like you love me but you can’t be with me Its like love is great but its its not enough Its like our lives are ours but we are not…

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Why do I like you?

  I like you because We can relate We can be silent together and not need to speak *** I like you because You’re available for me If I ping you you’ll appear Therefore If you ping me I’ll appear *** I like you because You like me You tease me endlessly and you enjoy my company *** I like you because You know who you are You are strong and understated *** ©Mugs Gitau 6 Feb 2015

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